We're facebook friends in real life
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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