i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
