Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
