does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
