if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
