I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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