Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
home. puking in laundry basket.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
