i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
