I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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