there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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