I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
