I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
