i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
