how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
