Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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