Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
