Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
