The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
