So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
