I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
