May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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