You can't motorboat a personality
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
