hotel room ftw
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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