Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
