im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
