yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
