so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
