legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
