it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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