Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
