I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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