Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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