I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
