All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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