He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hippo gnu deer
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
