My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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