Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Drake has all the answers
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
