If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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