the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
