You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
