Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize