everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
