New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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