filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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