please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
