Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The Olympian is in my bed
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
