Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
