I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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