Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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