I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
