just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
