Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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