we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
