i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
