my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
