I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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