No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What drink are we having for lunch?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
