He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
