dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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