So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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