So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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