You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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