i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You ruined the universe
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
