Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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