Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
